The end? *despairing*

________________ Da Impish Toonster says ________________



It got worse.... Much more money needed to fix my computer than we knew for the first time. We have serious money problem since ages and comes worse every year. I don't know how much I will need to wait for get my magic box back. But we nearly have no money for szaloncukor (Info: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Szaloncu… + elib.kkf.hu/hungary/magyar/eve…) for the Christmas tree. I've sent four curriculum vitae last Monday. No response of course. I don't know what to think or do or even feel. Now I don't even feel sadness anymore because this hurts me so much. I just feel incredibly empty. You know that is me. When the greatest sorrow hits me then I don't even feel sadness anymore just great emptiness. I guess it is like when someone dies then the agony ends. So it is over for me. Now I'm just an empty glass that waits to get filled up. Filled up with joy, filled up with purpose.

What does my computer means to me?
No, not Net. No, not games.
It is my magic box. That gives the magic of wonderful fan art and other pics, the magic of my dear friends' company, and the magic of music and films. And what is the most the magic of my completion. I draw and write. I want to. And I work on it hard since three years to get as good as I wanna be. I'm near to it. I was. This is the most important purpose for me. Yeah. Silly. But that is the truth. I am a cartoonist in the very first place relative to the drawing. And I have no limits about the writing. I can take any subject and genre. BUT I have left writing for the drawing. So I need a lot of experience for it to get as good as I wanna be. But as you may know now drawing is the first for me. For what? For toons of course. Toons. Caring with them, admire them, serve them is my life. (No, not in the bad meaning and way. I am a sane type even if it isn't seems like. I live in the bloody gory dark and sad but multi faceted reality.) How to do that? With drawing them of course and enjoying their show. Everybody has something that makes him/her complete. Without that the one is a half human. That's what I need to be complete. That is mine. Now I miss it.

So I have moved to my parents' computer. I've installed PS and my tablet. But I can't work after they got home. I can't. Not comfortable. I need aloneness. Many times anyway. Especially when I work. Drawing for me is an intimate thing. Special. It is like making love. In public? NO WAY. Privacy needed. Yeah there are people whom are comfortable with that or even need it. Well not me. (= So it is harder now to get on with my "art" more than ever maybe. Everything got so deeply bad now. I could do my art better than ever. And now I just can't continue them. No idea when will I able. Oh please my dear God just don't let the winchester damage. I have everything on it. All my works. Musics. Pictures. Don't look at me stupidly. I have no money. I couldn't save them to DVDs. And who thought the computer will broke and that much after 4 years? I've made two partitions for keep my stuff in safe if Windows fucks. That was all I did for safety. >___< I still don't think it is my fault. Oooh I would even sacrifice my TV. I watch movies on computer anyway and programme is shit since years. I use my TV rarely.

So is this the end? Is my joy over? Or what? Do I have to give up? Or what could help? I can't give up. I can't be a black man or a car or a perfect person. I just can't give up. I can't do such things. God made me like this. So then what? Is it the end? I don't think so. It is the beginning. A reformation. Every end is also a beginning of something new and different. This is the law of the universe. I just don't know what is this the beginning of. But hopefully of the better times.

Why am I telling this to you? I don't tell it to you. I tell it to my friends whom are here and I just write it out of myself which helps me more than it helps to anyone. Too serious bad things happen lately. To many others too who I know. But nothing takes forever. Not even bad things.



_____________ Da Impish Toonster has spoken. _____________


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My best friend:



He's AWEOME!!! But(t) he has left DA cuz the modies. >.<




My friends:


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4 EVER & EVER MORE
Sergio muh dear beloved skunky bro :
MASTER OF WB TOON ART AND POSES, PLUS MY TOONSTER BRO
Oks the HedgehoGoddess:
Who takes care of my dear bro and makes him a happy little skunk.

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=
MASTER OF HTF STYLE / MUH TOON BRO!


MY POLISH BRO. =3 / AMAZINGLY SKILLED NAUGHTY GAL


TRUE AND COOL ARTIST OF THE BEAUTIFUL TRADITIONAL


A quite insecure fellow. Or he isn't? (=


MASTER OF YIFFY / LEGENDARY TOON ARTIST!


MY TOON BRO! / MY LITTLE DROOG. (= / SO CUTE AND NICE LADY


CUTE CUTE 'N KIND KITTY ^w^ / MASTER OF CHIPMUNK STYLE

Go check 'em! They RULZ!!!







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